Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Crying

I think I cry a lot.

I'm not really sure when this started because most of my life I would have described myself as someone who doesn't really cry. Before a few years ago, the times I would cry were moments I remember, instances where I was overcome by emotion that I had no other response but one or two salty tears.

Some of the funnier times I've cried include: the "broken heart" YL skit when I was a sophomore in college, watching Juno for the first time, and while reading a book on a bus in Israel (sitting next to an armed soldier, of course).

It has taken me some time to truly figure this out but I know now that I have a heart that breaks for people. Tonight at Bible study, I cried. Twice. Me crying has almost become a weekly thing, almost, but I'm totally OK with it which is strange because vulnerable is not a state I like to be in.

I have a worldly definition of masculinity deeply roted in who I am that has taken years to crack. Only in the last maybe two years have I allowed my emotions to show more publicly, I have embraced the tender heart I have and am trying to figure out what it means/looks like to live in that and not hide it.

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